Chú điệu đưa nhẹ qua lại chiếc chổi xương trên sân rộng giữa buổi chiều vàng chưa tắt nắng, vài làn bụi trắng bay lên lãng đãng như bước chân ai vừa qua với thùng áo rộng lướt trên sân vắng.

Giòng suy tư của chú làm những chiếc khô cứ bị cuốn theo làn chổi nhưng vẫn không di chuyển được tí nào, chú chợt nghĩ đến lời Thầy dạy “Làm việc gì cũng phải có chánh niệm”. Chú miệt mài quét sân, nhưng tư tưởng của chú cứ lơ lửng đi hoang nên cái chổi xương cứng rắn này cũng chẳng đưa được chiếc lá khô mỏng manh kia. Thật ra thì tư tưởng chú nó chẳng đi đâu xa, nó quanh quẩn nơi sân Chùa, vào Chánh điện, nó đi loanh quanh để tìm lại bóng dáng Thầy mà thôi.

Thầy ra đi, chú không nhớ đã bao lâu, chỉ biết rằng nơi đây đã vắng bóng Thầy. Mỗi chiều, tiếng Thầy nhắc nhớ chú “Con ra quét sân rồi vào lễ Phật kẻo tốỉ”. Lúc ấy lòng chú thật bực tức, vì phải bỏ lững những giây phút rãnh rỗi, vui chơi của chú. Có đôi khi Thầy răn dạy, chú cảm thấy “…không thương gì mấy Thầy!” Sao Thầy cứ rầy và sửa chữa chú mỗi câu nói, mỗi bước đi. Khi ấy chú nghĩ “không có Thầy mình sung sướng biết baỏ”. Nhưng giờ đây, không có Thầy bên cạnh, chú chẳng biết tìm ai có đủ kiên nhẫn và trí tuệ như Thầy để trả lời những câu hỏi, nghi vấn có đôi khi thật vẩn vơ, mơ hồ, thế nhưng Thầy vẫn từ tốn giải bày cho chú được sáng tỏ. Có những điều chú vẫn tưởng là mình đã tự hiểu, tự biết, thì ra đó là những bài học Thầy đã dạy cho chú ngày qua ngày mà chú chẳng nhận ra.

Người ta thường nói, con người cần phải biết sống độc lập, không nên nương tựa vào người để sống.

tuy nhiên, đời sống tâm linh nếu không nơi nương tựa, con người có đi được vào con đường sáng hay không? Điều ấy từ lâu chú mơ hồ tự đặt ra câu hỏi. Mãi đến hôm nay, tự xét lấy mình, chú nhận ra, không nơi nương tựa cho cuộc sống tâm linh giữa cõi đời dâu bể nầy thật là đáng thương và khốn đốn quá !

Những ngày tháng có Thầy bên cạnh chú không hề nhận thấy được niềm hạnh phúc quí báu của hiện hữu tình thân mà Thầy đã cho chú. Lúc ấy chú chỉ nhìn thấy cái bản ngả to lớn của chú bị tổn thương vì những lời Thầy chỉ dạy, chú chỉ thấy sự gò bó, khắt khe qua những điều lệ tu học Thầy dạy cho. Những lúc ấy, cái tôi của chú (thực ra có thật hiện hữu đâu) nhưng đủ để lấp đi cái ánh sáng dịu dàng trong suốt tỏa ra từ đôi mắt bao dung của Thầy.

Mặt trời đã ngả sang tây, bóng mát của tàng cây cổ thụ cũng mất dần theo.

Hơi nóng của buổi chiều hè không bóng mát làm chú chợt tỉnh, đưa chú ra khỏi dòng suy tư. Vội vàng lùa những chiếc lá khô vào giỏ rồi chú nhanh chân vào trong để chuẩn bị hồi Kinh chiều.

Đằng sau lưng chú, vài chiếc lá khô vẫn còn rong chơi bay nhảy. Một cơn gió chợt lướt qua, cuốn theo những chiếc lá vàng khô còn sót lại, bay xa, thật xa… không định hướng. Và chú cũng không biết chúng sẽ đi đến nơi nào. Khi chiếc lá đã bị cuốn theo cơn gió xoáy thì đố ai biết sẽ về đâu!

Chú lại chợt nhớ lời Thầy ngày nào “Người ta có nhiều nơi để đi, nhưng chỉ có một chốn để quay về.” Chú cầu nguyện cho những chiếc lá khô kia cuối cùng sẽ về được nơi lòng đất ấm, cho những cây nọ nẩy lộc đâm chồi.

Tiếng mõ gõ

đều theo nhịp Kinh đưa dòng tư tưởng chú tìm về dưới bóng mát Từ Bi. Tự tại và bình tâm, chú lắng lòng vào dòng nước trong xanh bằng điệu kinh Bát Nhã mà Thầy đã dạy chú đọc ngày qua ngày.

Sự hiện hữu hay mất mát của vật thể không còn làm chú vui mừng hay hụt hẫng nữa. Mỗi viên gạch, mỗi hạt cát nơi đây đều có bước chân Thầy đi qua. Từ đây, mỗi bước chân chú sẽ đi theo dấu vết ấy. Hiện hữu hay không hiện hữu đều từ cõi lòng mà thôi.

Hạnh phúc và an lành đang trở về trong chú – chú điệu vừa nhận ra mình đã tìm được một nơi nương tựa cho tâm linh.



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